May 2001 Home

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[5/1/2001 11:49:47 PM | Cale Fisher] Today was nothing out of the ordinary. It was 24 degrees. I think winter's finally over. The Stratford Festival has started and I'm thinking I should start planning a trip this summer. Or maybe Kinczyk would take us for writers' workshop. Theatre is supposed to be a part of the course--I'll ask him. Anyway, "Whose Afraid of Virginia Wolfe?" is playing and I've always wanted to see it. I'll be adding that to my list of summer goals. John sent me a link to a page that determines the religion best suited to you. Click here.(sorry, lost address) I ranked 100% matched with neo-paganism, but I don't think I am. Though I do agree with my third best match, secular humanism at 90% compatibility. It's a fun site, has some good reading material. [5/2/2001 11:43:59 PM | Cale Fisher] I heard Turn Off the Light by Nelly Furtado on much music today. When I first heard it about a month or so ago, I really hated it and threw Nelly in the same category as all the other one-hit wonders. But it seems different today, maybe because I'm in a good mood. I downloaded it and have been listening to it over and over all night. Now I'm wondering how I ever could have not liked this song. My sister is leaving for her new job in 4 days. She just graduated from a school of cullinary arts (sp?) and is going to work at a cottage resort in northern Ontario, a fly-in place off the shore of Thunder Bay I think. Despite numerous attempts, I haven't been able to contact her. When I call, I get a message saying her phone is no longer in service, and no one else has heard from her. We were planning on going out for dinner before she left. She better not leave without saying good bye. I'm not sure what to think. On one hand, I'm happy she's going because it's a step in the right direction for the career she wants and it will give her some time to be alone. She's made some /bad/ choices in the past few years in the area of guys. But on the other hand, I'm sad that she's leaving. My sister is one of the few people in my family that isn't a complete social conservative. In fact, she's the only person in my family I even come remotely close to relating with. If I don't get at least a call before she leaves, I'm going to be very mad. Does anyone remember the show "The Critic?" It was on a few years ago, went from network to network, cancelled and brought back many times. It was the best. I remember staying up until 3 am during the summer just to watch it. And now it's back again, but this time on the net. I encourage everyone to go to Shockwave in the shows section and watch it. ah, many smiles and much laughing I'm running, I'm running, catch up with me life Where is the love that I'm looking to find? It's all in me, can't you see, why can't you, why can't you see it's all in me -- Turn off the Light, Nelly Furtado [5/5/2001 12:52:54 AM | Cale Fisher] Thursday was very fun. At lunch, Des, Sean and I were talking. We all kept saying that we didn't want to be in school all afternoon and that we should leave. We did. The three of us went to Pinafore Park and played with the little kids on the playground. It was good times. Many of the kids and parents gave us strange stares. So we left and walked around. Somehow we ended up at Lake Margaret, then in Sean's garage, then in Desi's basement watching Queer as Folk. Later that afternoon, Steve came to Desi's house. He's in alot of trouble. Since he broke up with his girlfriend, he's been mega depressed. He's been there before, but he got over it. This time is much worse though--all of us are extremely worried about what he might do. His arms are now specked with a few big, deep cigarette burns, self-inflicted cigarette burns. On top of that, there's a line from a hot piece of metal. So, yeah, it's not good. Today was blah. I found out Chantal is 24. It was somewhat strange. All this time I've thought she was around 18, so it was a bit surprising. She doesn't seem 24 at all. I'm still a bit skeptical. I should probably mention that Chantal is a girl in my writers' workshop course so people know who I'm talking about. John turned 17 today. A couple of us had fun embarrassing him by singing happy birthday in the hall. Sam and John's Mom gave him a surprise party, but I wasn't invited, despite the fact that John and I are nearly best friends, because Sam doesn't like me. It started in grade nine when out of nowhere she said she didn't like me, but wouldn't say why. It's okay though, I still like her. She's really cute, so teeny. [5/7/2001 10:32:20 PM | Cale Fisher] I finally figured out how to trade mp3s over IRC. I'm so proud of myself. It's a good thing too because Napster's becoming less and less efficient at finding the songs I want everyday. I've noticed that I normally don't like a song until a few months after it's released, like what happened with Turn Out the Light. This time it happened with Southside by Moby. A month ago when I listened to it my head hurt, but now I can't get enough. I had dinner with my sister Friday night, a few hours after a fun trip to the dentist. It was akward. She started crying after I made what would normally be a harmless joke. It took me way off guard and I wasn't sure what to do. So I apologised and said it was just a joke and she stopped crying, but the evening was pretty much ruined by that point. Now I've been going over it in my head, trying to find out what it was that set her off, but I can't figure it out. It sucks. Now she's gone and I feel like crap. John's doing much better this week and I hear his birthday party went well. They apparently forced Karen, sweet, innocent Karen into watching American Pie. I'm very sorry I missed it. But I get the impression that all is not well at home for John. His mom's been drinking alot since Heather passed on, and now mothers' day is just around the corner. I imagine it will get worse before it gets better and I hope John can get through it in one piece. Poor guy. This week is going to be long, very long. I have to write 2 tests, hand in 2 major assignments, and begin writing a short story for writers' workshop tomorrow. The story will be the most difficult. I've been throwing around a few ideas, but haven't decided for sure on anything yet. [5/9/2001 11:25:56 PM | Cale Fisher] My last entry didn't publish...I don't know why...hopefully when i post this it will show up. We've been graphing trig functions in math and it's oddly stimulating. I spent two hours tonight just graphing transformations, amsuing myself, scaring those around me. Sin is the best to graph--it's smooth and glamorous, with a touch of boldness. Tan is the same, though more playful. And Cos is just plain ugly--I try to avoid it wherever possible. I've been more tired than usual lately. The past 3 nights I've gone to sleep around 11pm, when I normally do so between midnight and 1am. My mornings are getting worse and worse, leaving the house later each day. I haven't changed anything eating- or activity-wise so I'm not sure what I can do to fix it. I wonder, am I wasting my life? I ask because I notice more and more people around me having alot more fun. But are they really? I don't know. There are only a few people left in my circle of friends that don't drink regularly, or do drugs, or do the whole party thing. Sometimes I'm envious when I hear about their adventures, but I also know it's a world I could never belong too. At the same time, I see their grades slipping, their attitudes changing, and they slowly become an acquaintance, rather than a friend. I'm not sure what to do, or if I can do anything. Over the past week or so, I've considered joining them, maybe even getting drunk with them, as they put it. For a brief moment, I want to. Then I remember how much I dislike my family for their drinking and drug habits, and look down on them for putting their addictions before their responsibilites. I don't want to sound like a fuddy-duddy, but let's face it, I am. I guess it's one of those screwed either way situations. It's probably why I spend so much time doing school work--I have no other exit. Things are changing, that's for sure. But it looks like they may be changing for the worst and I'm not sure what to do. [5/12/2001 8:13:25 PM | Cale Fisher] Last night John and Amanda showed up at my house around 9:30. Amanda was with her boyfriend Jeff whose back from university for the summer and they asked if I wanted to come driving. Amanda was in the truck so Jeff and I had to squeeze into the back seat together. It was quite amusing. We drove around for a bit, hanging on to whatever we could everytime Amanda took a corner, laughing at her driving skills that are somewhat non-existant. Somehow we ended up at Sam's house. She let me in--I was surprised considering she says she hates me. But she's still the cutest person in the world if you ask me. Sam has the fattest pets I've ever seen. Her cats are the size of a medium sized dogs, and her rotweiler, Carl, is easily bigger than me. At first he seems really intimidating, but he's just a big suck. I ended up sitting on the floor with Carl laying across my lap, crushing me. It was good times. A bit later we all left, on foot and in the rain, to the bowling alley. Sam, her brother, and boyfriend spent some time playing pinball while the rest of us went bowling. Amanda was wearing sandles, so when we got in we realized she had no socks on. We were laughing because she would have to put on those used bowling shoes. But Jeff decided not to bowl and gave her his socks. He sat at a table behind us watching. This was my first time bowling since I was 10, so I had no clue what I was doing. First I picked a ball that was way too heavy for me and nearly dropped it, then I wasn't sure how to hold it. Amanda and John spent alot of the evening laughing at me. I still beat John though, by 9 points. Amanda slaughtered both of us, getting 3 strikes in a row on her last frame. [5/16/2001 12:17:38 AM | Cale Fisher] So, it's been a while since the last update--not much has happened other than a whole lot of school work. I have my second trig test on Thursday so I've been mad studying. Heather complained to Kinczyk today and the due date for our short story got pushed back to next Tuesday, since Monday is a holiday. Everyone's very happy with her now. Yesterday we workshopped the first scene of my story. It took over an hour, which is about twice as long as normal. But I think they mostly liked it, even though they spent alot of time pointing out the small, technical errors. I was reminded today that my ISP for writers' workshop is due in 3 weeks and I haven't started yet. Now I'm worried. This is the last thing I need with all the other work to be done. This time of year is the worst, but it's always the time I miss most when I'm bored out of my mind in summer. Studley and I went out to Timmy's at lunch today, where we ran into Charice, Mel, Chantal, and Steph. All of us and one other person I don't know squeezed into a pseudo-booth, 5 on the bench, 2 on the chairs on the other side. It was good times. People were giving us funny looks and Charice scared some little kid. A girl about 4 years old ran up to her, Charice said hi, and then the girl ran away. Little kids are the best. Bio's going to suck tomorrow. We're doing some sort of fitness test and, of course, I have no coordination when it comes to moving different limbs simultaneously. I'm having flash backs of when I was in phys. ed., the daily jokes because I couldn't throw some ball through a hoop, or because I tripped when kicking a soccer ball. It's not something I relish revisiting--maybe I'll just skip bio tomorrow. And continuing on this frustrated note, I lost the film with all the pictures I took a few weeks ago. They were really good pictures too. Though I suppose if that's the worst thing that happens to me today I should count myself lucky. [5/18/2001 12:47:20 AM | Cale Fisher] Much of today was spent wandering around. My second trig test was today. Since gade nine, everytime I ate gobstoppers during a math test I've done very well. This year I've gotten perfect on all but one test and choose to blame it on the fact that I ate runts, rather than gobstoppers during that one test. So today I bought a pack of gobstoppers and went around asking people to channel some of their postive energy into them. Some people played along--others looked at me strangely. Jenna yelled at me, as she commonly does. But she yells at everyone, no matter what they're doing. She says the crunching I make while eating gobstoppers during tests is really distracting. Mr. King was the first to donate a small portion of his energy. I then took the gobstoppers to the center foyer of the school in between the stairs where that big window is. While Jenna and John played cards and Studley and Heather did bio work I meditated and prayed to the gobstoppers which sat in front of me. As people walked by, I asked if they'd like to join in my meditation--there were no takers. By the time the test came around, I had the combined power of myself, Mr. King, Cynthia, Charice, Studley, and Heather. I'm not sure of how I did though--I'll find out tomorrow. I discovered a fourth washroom today at the school. Its existence was news to me. I'm not sure anyone even knows where it is, hidden away at the far end of the math wing. It's amazing. Things are actually clean inside. There's actually soap in the dispensers. And the hand dryer heats up really fast. I think I'm giong to keep this my little secret. Yesterday, Janet, John and me decided to go to the library after school. None of us wanted to walk, so we took the bus. It was the first time on the public buses for all of us, probably the last time too. The ride downtown was okay. But on the way back we got on the wrong bus. We sat beside a drunken man with brown stains on the back of his pants. I dare not ask any more than that. He yelled at Janet, then helped himself to one of her cookies. On top of that there were a couple of psych patients. Finally, we arrived back at the downtown and got on the right bus, which was empty except for us. That was much better. Since then, we've decided that one of us has to start driving. John got selected because he's the only one with a licence. Janet and I both have to go in for our G1s, which sucks because I could have had my G2 by now if I'd gone in a year and a half ago. So my goal is to take the G1 test before school ends. [5/22/2001 11:49:56 PM | Cale Fisher] It's been awhile again. I was swamped with homework most of the weekend, but it's all finally over, for now at least. Friday I got my trig test back--the gobstoppers prevailed yet again. Handed in my short story today, my chemistry project last Friday. All that's left for the year now is a few more tests, exams, and my ISP for writers' workshop. Things are going to get busy again next week. Dorian and Brandi invited me to a survivor-themed party next Friday. It sounds fun. Monday I went to see the Mummy Returns with Cynthia. Big mistake. It was very akward. She doesn't know I'm gay and I think that she thought we might be on a date. She wouldn't look at me and was acting really jumpy. Now when I see her it's strange and uncomfortable. Sam hurt herself. She hit her head and somehow knocked herself out down at the animal shelter. Nobody was around and she apparently woke up with a dog standing over her. Only Sam. I've been having bad dreams. It's not fun. I'm not getting any sleep. [5/26/2001 11:47:56 PM | Cale Fisher] Today's been blah. It was one of those days where nothing gets done, no matter how hard you try, constantly thinking about everything that's gone wrong in your life up until this point. My sister's back. She quit her job -- I shouldn't say this, but it's no surprise. She's quit every job in her life. Two days back and she's already moved in with some guy. Sometimes I wonder how she could possibly be my sister. I'm kind of pissed off at everyone right now. My mom and I had a rather large fight. She was going into her usual sob story about how everyone's out to get her. I told her to fuck off and that no one wanted to hear it anymore. I told her people didn't like her because she's a bitch. I told her she's had such a hard time in life because she gets drunk and starts fight with people. I blamed her for driving my sister away. She blamed everything on my sister and aunt. Later that night, she had a bunch of papers out and was writing something -- she took me out of the will. That was strangely amusing. She got drunk and told me she was going to kill herself. The truth is, I'm far beyond caring about that. And I'm not sure why I don't feel bad for saying it. She said she was going to kick me out. It made me smile. I'd rather be anyplace but here. Then she called me a faggot. I don't know if it was just a random name or if she knows. I wanted to yellow out that I was, to hurt her, but I didn't. She gave away my cat, to my aunt. I told her I'd add that to the list of reasons to hate her. Now we're carrying on, saying nothing, pretending that everything is okay. I'm thinking about fast-tracking, finishing high school in one year, rather than two so I can get out of here and to university. It would be hard, but I know I can do it if I try.