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[4/1/2001 1:59:12 AM | Cale Fisher] Hello there. This is my first blog for this page! It will be coming together over the next few weeks whenever I get the time. So, let's begin... It's around 1.45 am and I'm thinking I'm not going to church tomorrow afterall. This will be the third week in a row where I said I was going to go but didn't. Cynthia's going to be very angry at me. But there's always next week I suppose. I'm kind of disappointed too--the sermon was going to be on a hymn of some sort and I was really looking forward to it. I love history and music and this would have brought two passions together. Oh well, I suppose I can always read the sermon on the webpage. I rummage though my closet today and cleared out some old junk. In total there's two boxes full of stuff. I've never really realized until now just how wasteful I am. There's alot of crap I have that I never use or need. Something I'll have to work on. Anyway it's going to charity so it's not a total loss. My mom had a bunch of her friends over tonight so as usual it was loud music and drinking. I just don't get it. Why would anyone wish to inflict that upon themselves? And why would you invite someone over only to alter who you are through the use of chemicals? It's like bringing someone home and then leaving them there with a total stranger. Well, maybe there's something to it that I'm missing. Tomorrow isn't going to be a fun day. Much school work needs to be done. The chemistry won't be so bad, but I'm getting very sick of biology. It's so boring and unfulfilling. Plus it only requires that you memorize the textbook rather than think for yourself. I feel like I'm getting very little out of this course than a boost on my average. I know I won't be going into a career that requires biology so I'm not sure why I'm even going there everyday. On a sadder note, I'm anticipating much acrimony in my writers' workshop class--seminars are less than 2 weeks away and we still don't have a thesis. Mila keeps insisting that mine is wrong, but refuses to provide any alternatives. Or when she does, they have no proof to back them up. I really don't like arguing with her--her feelings are hurt too easily and then I feel like crap. Why is it that people you love so much can be so annoying? On a happier note, I got perfect on my third math test in a row. Of course that means the necessary criteria has been met and I now have mad match skillz. When I informed Chris he promptly changed the words to mad mack skillz and I had to go to Elisa to find out what that meant. Much lauging occurred.
[4/14/2001 1:07:31 AM | Cale Fisher] Well, it's been over 2 weeks, but I'm back baby! School sprung me with a pile of work and I haven't had much free time lately. But alas, the long weekend is here and so too am I. I just put up the new page and most of it is empty but you can look forward to it filling out in the coming weeks, or months depending on how enthusiastic I am. The Ref's on TV right now, but it's almost over. Funny movie, too bad I missed it. Random thought: I remember the first time I saw it. Three years ago as I recall. It was Christmas eve and my mom was working the night shift so I was home alone with husband #3. Of course, that meant I was upstairs in my room and he had comendered the living room. But I amused myself. I remember making peanut brittle and eating it all by myself, thinking about how depressed I was and how I wanted out of the house, to do something, anything. Then I flicked through the channels and the Ref was on. Damn funny, it really brightened up my night. It didn't end until 3 am and then I was up late Christmas day. It's bizarre how a memory like that can just hit you. I enjoy it though, wish it would happen more often. So today was uneventful. Got up around 1 pm after another long, sleepless night. Then I played Age of Empires II: The Conquerers. I had the original AOE2 and then last week John burned me a coppy of the conquerers expansion. It was nice of him, but I'm really kind of annoyed. I removed AOE2 from my system about 4 months ago because I was playing it too much. I'd start a game and before I knew it 5 hours had passed. So i reinstalled it and today I was playing when I noticed I'd been going at it for almost 2 hours. I just had to say screw this, there's a real world out there and quit. But I still can't delete it again because Mr. King, one of the new history teachers, wants to play against me sometime. At least that will be fun and not a total waste of time, being that other people are involved. But still, I could be going out or reading or doing something productive. Last week I didn't go to church again and Cynthia didn't tell me that one of the student teachers, Isabella Budhai, was going to be playing her flute along with an orchestra. It was really disappointing when I found out. Mrs. Budhai is totally adorable and really teeny. She wears clothes like something out of "life on the prairies" and her Hungarian accent is very sexy. I must admit it's the first time I've been attracted to a woman in some time. So I got all mad, especially because Thursday was her last day teaching, and started asking around to see when or if she'd be playing again. She's having a concert in about a month, but it's on the other side of the province and there's no way for me to get there. But then I heard she was going to be playing for the afternoon, last period class before she left on Thursday. At lunch I talked to her and asked if I could come listen and she said sure, come in the last 20 minutes of class. Then I went to Kinczyk to ask permission to get out of writers' workshop early and he's like "sure," not even asking why. He's so cool. And then I went to listen--it was great, I was almost crying at one point. Then after she played and everyone cleared out I went to talk to her. She asked if I was a flutist and I told her I just love music. Then she asked if I ever played any instument. When I told her I tried trumpet but was really terrible she suggested that I try a wind instrument because I could probably play flute or clarinet if I tried. It made my day. I love this woman, she's so sweet, but I'll probably never see her again. Or maybe I will. I could always go looking for her someday when I get bored. Anyway, yeah, that's it for today. Wherever you are Mrs. Budhai, I miss you! :)
[4/14/2001 11:36:55 PM | Cale Fisher] So today has been filled with much goodness. I was planning on getting up early and getting loads of school work done. What really happened is i got up around 8 am, then fell asleep, had many strange dreams and got up again around 1 pm. Since I don't remember my dreams very often, I thought I'd post one of them here. Well, it's kind of fragmented, but I remember I was in a plane with two other people, I'm not sure who. We were flying and then the weather got really bad. It was windy, with lightning, and dark clouds and the whole deal. Anyways, we were supposed to be returning it to some air base, but I'm not sure why. Then we landed, brought it into a hanger and closed the doors. I remember it was really cold, with snow and ice, so I'm assuming we were somewhere in Canada, probably northern Quebec. Though I don't know why I'd ever venture over that border :). Next thing I remember we were outside of the plane in the hangar, talking with a fourth person that we were meeting there when the plane started up. Somehow it ended up lifting off in the hangar, but the door didnt' open in time and it crashed into the wall, kind of like that car on that famous building. You know the one I mean. Apparently, it was all planned so that we could catch the person trying to steal the plane and that's why we were there. And that's my dream. Sorry you asked, aren't you? I came downstairs and my mom was cleaning the kitchen, getting things ready to move in a few weeks. It was really shocking--I can't remember ever seeing the top of my fridge before. That was all well and good, but it turned to much grossness when the stove got pulled out and we saw all the gunge that had seeped down the crack. I went back upstairs and did the email, web surfing thing for a bit. Then I did some packing of old clothes to give away. I've been getting rid of alot of my stuff lately. Right now I figure I could fit all of my belongins, aside from the computer and desk, into two or three boxes. It's nice having it like that, nothing gets in my way. Cynthia ICQ'ed me. Somehow she knows when I'm on, eventhough I'm always invisible. We had a fun conversation. I'm not sure how it started, but the topic got on to kids and marriage. I went through my usual song and dance of how I just don't understand marriage or why anyone would want to waste that much money on it and she said if i didn't get it, I never would. It was good times. That lasted about an hour, going back and forth, then the topic changed to a random question game. That's always fun. We asked questions like "You have three wishes. What are they?" and "Your house is on fire and you can rescue one thing. What is it?" That ate up a few hours and then Cynthia left because she has company at her house for easter. If I get up early enough tomorrow I might surprise her at church. I know this is only my third blog, but I really like it. There's something about organizing your thoughts in writing that's very therapeutic. And speaking of therapeutic, I've been listening to Chinese bamboo flute music yesterday and today. It's really cool and extremely relaxing. Everyone go to Napster and download "The Song of the Four Seasons." It's the kind of thing you'd do Tai Chi Chuan to. I once tried to sign up for a class, but they only met once a week on Tuesday mornings. Of course, I'm in school then so I was disappointed.
[4/16/2001 12:44:33 AM | Cale Fisher] I had another dream today. This one was more of a fantasy, where Julian figured prominently. I know I've never met him, but there's just something about the boy. He's sweet, and a really great person. I know because of what I've seen his friends write about him. Plus there's a presence in his writing. It's kind of hard to explain, just a feeling, an intuition even. And if you know anything about me, you'll also know that fantasy doesn't mean sex when I use the word. It's more along the lines of intimacey, even though there may be some sexual qualities to it. I was standing in front of a window, looking out, when he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me. It felt real and I was in good spirits when I woke up. Anyway, I enjoyed it. I did some more work on the web page this morning. The 'About Me' section will be updated Tuesday at the latest and I'll start adding some material into 'The Rainforest' in a few days. Other than that, I did some more seminar work, getting prepared for Tuesday. It's getting close and Mel still hasn't given me her material for the handout. I may have to write a part for her, but that could end up contradicting what she says and making us look quite unprepared. Even though we are. Worse still, John forgot his novel on the way home from school Thursday. We were just past Park when he rememberd, but he refused to go back and get it. He said he'd pick up another copy at the library, but no such luck. One, he had no way to get there and is too lazy to walk. And two, it's easter weekend and the library is closed. So now I have to get up early tomorrow and meet him at Timmy's so I can give him my novel. He hasn't started yet so that gives him a day to get it done. Mila and I have both spent at least 15 hours of work on the seminar so far. All I can say is thank the goddess we're getting individual marks. And watch out John and Mel because we'll be looking forward to survivoring a few people. Around 3, I got invited to go down to my Grandma's for supper. I wan't planning on doing anything, but she made a whole turkey dinner and no one was going to show up but my Mom and Husband #3 and my aunt Linda. The parental units were already there when I got the call, so I got a ride to little old Aylmer with Linda. It was good times. She's hilarious to travel with. On our way out of town a little kid's ball rolled out onto the road. We were looking around at houses because she wants to move and didn't see it. We drove right over it and when we looked back, it was flattened. We laughed, but didn't stop. Looking back, I feel kind of guilty. But I still can't help laughing. Dinner was okay, considering it was a turkey dinner and I'm a vegetarion. Needless to say I ate again when I got back home. I spent the evening working on the seminar again, putting on the final touches. The movie Deep Impact was on. I was working on homework, but taped it. I still had it on, but muted. Even without sound, it distracted me. Elija Wood is so cute! Those eyes are gorgeous. I look forward to watching it later with sound on, stopping to rewind all the parts with him in it. I know, I need a life, but he's hot! Can you really blame me?
[4/16/2001 11:28:52 PM | Cale Fisher] So today I had to get up early and meet John at Timmy's and give him the book Not Wanted on the Voyage for our not wanted seminar. I usually can't stand getting up early, but today was different somehow. The house was empty when I woke up, which is always nice. I did the whole shower routine, came online quickly to check if Mila had mailed me back yet, then left for Timmy's. The walk there was nice. People were friendly today. Normally they look at the ground when they pass me, but today they returned my smiles. I was happy. I got to Timmy's and ordered my usual, hot chocolate and cheese croisant. John was late as usual so I sat down at a table and looked out at the street, watching people go about their business. It's always cool just to observe people, makes you really feel a part of something, part of the world, part of the game. There was a woman at a table at the opposite end I was sitting. She was in the smoking section, talking with a man, her husband maybe, or brother. We kept looking at each other, exchanging looks and smiles. I love makign that kind of friendly connection with a total stranger. It's what I live for. John finally showed up about a half hour late. Can't say I was surprise. Afterall, he is John. We spent about an hour and a half talking. Officially about the seminar, but to be honest, it only came up for about five minutes. Then I gave him the book and we left, back home. Crossing Fairview, I came across Brandi and Dorian. They're cool, I miss them alot. We used to always hang out, but drifted apart. I think I'll start spending a few lunches a week with them. Brandi was on one of those cool scooter things and she let me ride it. It was good times. Those things are really fun, but it was kind of freaky. You have very little control of your body and it feels strange, but that's what makes it great. I walked with them to Brandi's house, but that only lasted five minutes, and then continued on home. I spent the day getting my homework done for tomorrow. Of course I procrastinated again and left it to the night before. The seminar I think is going to go well, at least for Mila and myself. She called around 5 and we spent some time talking, complaining, laughing. I love her alot--she's a really great person, unique. We talked about the seminar and how we were the only ones with work done and how we would survivor Mel and John and Heather. In case you haven't noticed, I've been using survivor as a verb lately. It was coined in Writers' Workshop. At least something good came out of the show. Then she hung up and I went back to work, breaking to watch Earth: Final Conflict. It's a bizarre show, but cool none the less. Those aliens are scary. I've found that someitmes I talk like them, with the strange head and hand motions. It amuses me. Then around 10, John ICQed me asking questions about the seminar, not sure what to do. It was annoying. 10 pm the night before it's due is not a good time to come to me with problems. I bit my tongue and did what I could to help. And that brings us present, so i bid you good day. I hope someone will read these things soon. Hopefully when The Loop gets their page back up I will be able to join. I'd like to get into a blogging community, or any community that knows the meaning of blog :)
[4/18/2001 12:21:18 AM | Cale Fisher] I'm on here later than usual so I'll make this quick tonight. Today really sucked. I woke up really tired and had to go to school to do my seminar. I skipped second period with Mila so we could go over the last minute things. We decided to do a different introduction so we had to run to my place and pick up some candles, matches, and my bible. That part was fun, we had some laughs. Mila likes to make fun of me when I walk because it's so uncoordinated and I always wait for all the cars to pass to cross the street. When we got back to school, John was not there still and we started to get worried. We weren't sure why he wasn't there, but assumed something must have happened with his sister (she's been very sick lately). Then about 20 minutes before seminar time, Elisa found us in the library and delivered the very, very sad news that Heather, John's sister, had passed away due to her various health complications. Not good times, definitely not good times. It sucked big time. We went to Kinczyk to make sure that John would be excused from the seminar. He was already aware and told us not to worry about it. He's a nice guy, a lot of integrity. I didn't know what to make of it. John was fine the night before at 11 when I last talked to him. I hope he holds up okay, I can't even imagine what he must be going through. The seminar was kind of iffy, but that's all I'll say because if today has taught us anything at all, it's that there are more important things in life than seminars. As a good friend of mine once said, we should treat the big things lightly and the little things very importantly. Don't take your loved ones for granted. I'm still a little in shock. The poor girl was only six. I only hope that she's somewhere better now and can at least be happy that her suffering is finally over. This is awful, a terrible, terrible day. Just as a side note, the About Me section has been uploaded now.
[4/18/2001 11:07:28 PM | Cale Fisher] Not much happened today. It was Cynthia's birthday and I gave her something of a homemade present. I made some coupons good for a day of respect, a day free of insults, etc. She was amused. I gave her a letter, too, because I hate cards. They frustrate me so much because one, they never say the right thing, and two, I can never bring myself to throw them away. I have boxes full in the basement that I don't want, but just can't bring myself to get rid of. Anyway, she asked me for a mercedes, but I told her she'd have to be patient. It was good times. Chemistry was fun today. We made ethyne and then lit it on fire. The room was full of soot by the time we were finished, but no one seemed to care. Biology was boring as usual. Another 75 minutes was wasted just sitting around and there's a test tomorrow. Cynthia and I had lunch together, eating garlic fingers to celebrate her 17th. Then she left me all alone to leave for a performance of "Hello Dolly." I didn't know about it, otherwise I would have gotten tickets too. So i spent the remainder of lunch with Des. When afternoon hit, my good spirits dropped off quite a bit. We did some trig in math so that made things a bit better, but I was still kind of depressed. The rest of the day was tedious, spending some time sleeping in writers' workshop, then going home to study and write a lab. And I'm tired, so I'm going to bed early tonight, hopefully to have some good dreams. Sorry for the boring entry, maybe something more interesting will happen to me tomorrow.
[4/20/2001 12:05:52 AM | Cale Fisher] Today was much better than the last few have been. I woke up around 6:30 which is really peculiar for me. Unless I have school or some other obligation, I'm usually not up until at least 10. I remember something about a really strange dream and saying to myself, oh, i've got to write this down before i forget, but i didn't, and I forgot. But anyways, I wasn't tired when I got up and that was very unusual. Most days I have to drag myself out of bed. Even though I was up early, I was still late to school. Chemistry went by quickly. We did a lab comparing the reactivity of different metals in different solutions to make and activity series of metals. I enjoyed it. There's just something about collecting data in a lab environment -- for a few minutes, the world just gets blocked out and everything makes sense. It's a curious sensation. Biology was blah as usual. I faked my way through a test on gas exchange. I've missed about 4 or 5 days of this unit, so i'm not too sure how well i did. It's a hideous class. Learn from my example and never take it! Lunch was very relaxing. Everyone was either in the cafeteria or not at school and I ended up hanging around with Studley. He asked if I'd like to go to the vending machine with him as I was walking by and we ended up spending the next hour together. Last night at a soccer try-out, he sprained his knee. It's buised a bit and he has trouble walking, so we made our way slowly through the halls and down the stares as others watched. We ended up sitting by Steph in front of her locker. Studley took the time to pull up his pant leg and show everyone the bruise. Then he went on to point out the perfect muscle tone of his leg, and how it curved in all the right places. It was good times. Then when he got up to let Mel into her locker, I got a nice look at his butt. It wasn't intentional, but I took in all I could nonetheless. It was a bit funny when he started talking to me about girl problems and how the girl he liked probably didn't even know who he was. I was like 'the guy I like is right in front of me, and he doesn't even know it,' though not out loud of course. When lunch ended, I helped him back to his locker and then we headed off in different directions. Mr. Homewood wasn't in math today and Mrs. Lowry covered for him. I've never had her before, but she's hilarious. As she read a note from Mr. Homewood about what our assignment was she yelled out "Holy shit! That's a hell of a lot of work!" I was laughing quite a bit. She was getting some work done, cataloguing new books for the library when I noticed one of them was "Cows With Guns." I had been looking all over it since like 8 months ago and she read it for the class. It's hysterical, a must read. So I just sat there all period, not feeling like doing the work. I just finsished it 15 minutes ago. After school, Janet found me and asked if I was walking. I said yes, and we left. We talked about something really funny, but I can't remember what it was. Then when I got home I decided to just stretch out on the bed for a minute or two. Next thing I know, I'm waking up and it's 7:30. So now I won't be able to get to sleep tonight and tomorrow's going to be a very, very long day. Oh well, at least it's Friday and I get a weekend off. No plans for the weekend yet, other than some painting of the new house. Hopefully something will come up. I've decided that this blog is becoming more like a summary of my day, rather than something meaningful or inciteful. So starting tomorrow I'll be adding some writing, personal opinions, and so forth. Any general junk to spice things up.
[4/20/2001 11:17:05 PM | Cale Fisher] The word that could best describe today is short. I woke up and felt horrible so decided to take the day off school. I went back to sleep and my morning was filled with a couple of really good dreams. Normally, I don't remember them, but I have been lately, probably because I've been making more of an effort. The first dream was very fun. I remember all the people were like something out of anime and everthing was really high-tech. I don't know what I was doing, but some really big robot-esque guys were after me. Next thing I knew, someone else was throwing something, attacking them. Their weapon was like the round thing Xena uses, only it was a triangle, and instead of frisbeeing, it kept going around and around, flying all over the place. It was really funny, but that's all I remember. The second dream was much more erotic in nature. I was with a guy from school--his name is Dan, I think--he's really hot. We were somewhere, his house maybe, lying beside each other. I leaned in to kiss him, and he pulled away, then came back and kissed me. I can't remember anything beyond that. Needless to say I was angry when I woke up. So it was like 1 in the afternoon when I finally got up, showered, and all that. We got the keys to the knew house today and I spent some time over there checking things out. I've decided to take the basement, rather than one of the bedrooms because it's more private and much bigger. After we left we bought some paint and are going back tomorrow to get things ready before we move in next Friday. Other than that I didn't do much today. Spent some time reading poetry. Phyllis Webb is really out there. I saw a picture of her and it was really creepy. She looks like some kind of insect on acid.
[4/22/2001 12:06:17 AM | Cale Fisher] Yuck! That's the only word in my head today. I spent several hours cleaning the basement of the new house. Much grossness and disgust. Cobwebs everywhere, spiders of all sizes, other junk that I dare not think about. At one point I was almost crying with that feeling you get around basements, that feeling of spiders and insects on you, even though there's nothing there. I'm glad it's done and over with. Tomorrow I'm painting and it will be better. All the pukishness will be covered, forever. I'm worried about John. I haven't seen him in almost a week. I haven't heard from him in about 4 days. He said he was okay, but i'm not so sure he is. I'm very worried about how he's taking this. But I'm not sure what to do. He's not someone that's open with his emotions. If I reach out to him, he might push further away. 54 was on showcase tonight. I'm watching the ending right now, but I taped it so I can watch it whenever. Mmmmm...lots of cute guys with no shirts, add Ryan Philippe...it's a little bit of heaven :) Send over a masseuse. My back hurts. If anyone out there reading this gives good massages, email me and i'll send you my address and a plane ticket. So last night I started reading Siddhartha. I'm only 25 pages in, but it's amazing. Beautiful. It's even better than Crace. Anyone who claims writing isn't a visual art needs to check out this book. I still can't get over it, just beautiful! Tomorrow will be busy. I promised Cynthia I would go to church. I also want to go to say a few words for John and his sister. I know they aren't the same beliefs as my own, but maybe someone out there will be listening. From there, I'm going straight to the new house to paint the basement walls, then the floors if there's time. I plan on being home by 4 to catch up on the trig i missed Friday. At 8 there's TFC tourny match. And then I plan on getting to bed early, either that or sitting up all night reading. I guess it depends on whether sleep decides to come to me. Violence at the Summit of the Americas again. I say it's people working for the giant corporations that are inciting the violence. Makes the protestors look bad and takes away from their message at the same time. The media focusses on the violence rather than why they're protesting. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but it's what I would do if I were the CEO of some huge company. Hmmm...i think i've been reading too much 1984 Om is bow, the arrow is soul, Brahma is the arrow's goal, It must be struck unswervingly. -- Siddhartha by Herman Hesse
[4/24/2001 12:56:36 AM | Cale Fisher] "Nothing Changes." Dr. Franklin said that once on Babylon 5. It's the best way to describe how I've been feeling lately. I'm sick of fighting for other people. I'm sick of being the only one that stands up and tells someone when they're wrong. I'm sick of being preached to about what is moral, only to see that same person turn around and contradict themself. I'm tired of the world. This country claims to be free, but that freedom is abused. We give people the right to choose, because that's what is right and just and honourable. Then they abuse that right by harming others, claiming only to be exercising their right to choose. We remove one dictator in democracy, only to replace him with 30 million others, all the while turning a blind eye to the fact that the injustices, the ethical violations, the immoralities have not stopped. They continue, every day, a perpetual orgy of irresponsibility that we call freedom, that we celebrate and try to spread throughout the world. How dare we! I'm tired of lecturing 40-year-olds on responsibility. And I'm tired of their rebuttals demanding respect, shrugging my charges off as adolescent rantings. I'm tired of the laziness, greed, and self-interest that surrounds me everday. I'm tired of men in suits, rich from exploiting the unfortunate, complaining about the homeless. I'm tired of people judging others without ever asking themself 'why?'. I'm tired of our society claiming to be civilized, all the while denouncing others as barbaric. We believe that because there are few robberies, murders, rapes, et cetera that our world is not a violent one. But the violence is still here--only it's form has changed. We no longer aim to harm the physical self of a person, but their soul. Rape is no longer a crime against women, but against humanity, and it happens every day in our actions, and moreover, in our inactions. Personal responsibility has become nothing more than a phrase spouted out by politicians every 4 years. People use the phrase 'history repeats itself' without understanding its meaning. It repeats because we don't learn from our mistakes. It's much easier to ignore the truth rather than accept all the baggage that comes with it. We showcase our nuclear weapons and our guns and our tanks to cover up the truth. Humans have lost their testicular fortitude and cover it up with high-tech gizmos. We can't stomach reality so we pretend we can control the world, simultaneously adding to our problems. We're a pathetic, barbaric species. And our very existence is rocking on a precipice. On days like today I wish to give it the final push, over the edge, done forever. But I can't! Because that would mean being like everyone else, lazy, not giving a damn. So there's no choice but to fight, for myself, the ones I love, and the world, even though the world cares not one way or the other.
[4/24/2001 11:48:22 PM | Cale Fisher] Today wasn't fun at all. I faked my way through a chem test, did yet another boring lab in bio, and spent my morning in perpetual stomach pains. On top of that, i got a load of homework to catch up on from the days I missed. Lunch was okay though. Des and I spent some time together, standing outside the music room while she waited for her bus. Choir was in there singing and Cynthia was looking out at us. When they started singing, Des began to strip, causing Cynthia to laugh, causing Mr. Frank to slam the door on us. It was amusing. After Des left, I found Jenna and John on the stairs talking. I sat down with them, then layed down, on the stairs, holding my stomach in pain as people looked at me. We stayed there until the bell rang, making nasty comments about people as they passed. For such a sweetheart, Jenna can be very bitter. The afternoon was blah. Math I got caught up on the work I missed. It's no big deal, but I still can't figure out obtuse angles in trig. It's so simple, and I know exactly what to do yet it never comes together properly. I have 2 days to figure it out before the test. In writers' the were discussing a short story I hadn't had a chance to read yet, so that was boring. After class, Kinczyk gave me my writing folder back. I was happy. The comment he made was that rather than comment on my work, he'd just say it was a pleasure to read and let me do my thing, rather than getting in my way. I got perfect on it. Definitely wasn't expecting that. But he seems to think I'm a writer, I'm not sure. I came home and ate right away, then started on my homework. I went straight until 10.30, but still wasn't able to get everthing done. Oh well, there's still a few days to learn the math and catch up with writers' -- I won't worry about it just yet. Tomorrow will be another busy day. After school I'm going to the new house to finish painting so I'll try to get some sleep tonight. I doubt it will happen though. I've just started another sleepless period, they come and go randomly. While I'm here, sorry if I scared anyone with my last post. I was in a pissed off mood when I wrote that. If I get some time, I'll go into it in further detail. I thought I'd close with a little bit of prose I wrote. This is a stylistic imitation of a part of Diane Ackerman's book "A Natural History of the Senses."
YOU KNOW WHAT LAUGHTER IS...
[4/27/2001 11:57:45 PM | Cale Fisher] Sweet merciful crap! It's been one of those days for the past 3 days. But it's over now. It's all over. I'm here, in the new house. Things are still a mess, but the worst part is done. Things look surprisingly good, i must admit, though I'm not entirely happy about being here. For one thing, the location is too public. I really would rather live on a private street, not one right in the center of everything. My biggest problem is that there's only one bathroom right now (renovations in the summer) and I have to share it with my mom's husband #3. I'm not sure I can do it. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I'm a very clean person and he's a pig. I hate using any room after him, let alone the bathroom. It's just disgusting. I shudder just thinking about it. But on a happier note, I got my report card yesterday. We were in one of those stupid TAG sessions in the afternoon. Normally, I wouldn't have gone, but this week my teacher advisor was Mrs. Stillman. She's the best and I couldn't resist going. My average is 97, all advanced classes, 2 of them grade 12. I was very, very happy, even though I know I won't be able to maintain that, especially not after exams. My trig test was today. It was exciting to say the least. I spent 15 minutes on one question that I just couldn't figure out and ended up not having time to check the test over. I was solving a triangle, trying to figure out the length of side q. But evertime I got to the final answer, i continued on and pressed sin-1 to get the angle. When this happened, it came up as -E- on my calculator. I kept checking it over, and checking it over, not able to figure it out. Then I handed it in with nothing written down as my answer and as soon as the test was out of my hand I knew what I had done wrong. But Mr. Homewood let me fix it. In fact, he was laughing at me. It was good times. He glanced at the test quickly and said it looked like I only had 1 wrong, but it would probably round up and my 100 mark would be maintained. Then I came home and had to do a bunch of unpacking. I'm still not done, but I'm more done than previously. The phone guy didn't come in the afternoon like he was supposed to so we called and they sent someone over to hook up a jack. I was worried for a moment, thinking I might have to go the weekend without being online. It's an addiction. I need at least an hour of internet time everyday. But he came around 6. He was really cute. My cat's really pissed off. He doesn't know where he is, or what's going on. It's getting really frustrating, he keeps meowing and jumping all over everything. Tomorrow I'm going to Port Stanley to see Heather break a board with her elbow. Then she's going to do some sparring and I'll be taking pictures. hmm...what else? Lunch today was fun. Janet, Elisa, and myself were walking around. It was a beautiful day, sun shining, warm weather. We walked out into the soccer field and met up with Heather, then spend the next while just lying in the grass. Monday we're planning on playing frisbee, as long as the weather stays nice and someone brings a picnic. Des and I also have plans to have a picnic someday when the weather is too perfect to be in school. It's really funny, she keeps asking random people if they want to come to our picnic. If I get some time Sunday, I plan on updating the rainforest page, so look forward to that :)
[4/27/2001 11:59:53 PM | Cale Fisher] Oh, I almost forgot about this thing i found last week Can you see all 11 faces? I can
[4/29/2001 1:26:13 AM | Cale Fisher] I went to Port Stanley today. It's a cool town, though very very small. Sometimes I forget just how big Lake Erie is. When I first see the water coming over the bridge, it always takes me by surprise, seeing its size, knowing I only live 10 minutes away from it. I know the lake's badly polluted in this area, but it's still quite beautiful. Sad really, that we destroyed and are still destroying something so naturally gorgeous. The downtown area is divided by one of those bridges that separates in the middle and both sides life up so that boats can pass. I forget the name, but it's really cool. There's a restaurant on the hillside that overlooks the opening to the harbour. It's made of wood, with huge clear windows all along the one side. Happy memories there, they have great salads and a friendly staff. I only actually clearly remember eating there once, but I know I've eaten there many times in passed years. It's a strange feeling. Anyway, I went to Port to see Heather in a Tae Kwon Doe demonstration. It was funny. Heather's a yellow belt and there are only 3 others besides her. They were all about 10 years old and really short, so when they went up there were 3 kids and Heather, all 5 and a half feet of her. It was cool. She broke a board with her elbow and I got a few pictures, though I don't know if they'll turn out because I didn't have my flash on. We'll see. I told her I would go, but I don't think she was actually expecting me to come. When I tapped her shoulder in the crowd, she turned around and looked really surprised to see me. That happens alot. I'm not sure why people are like that--I really don't know why they'd expect me not to do something when I said I would. I hate it when people don't call when they say they will, so I guess I just make more of an effort to call, if that's what I said I'd do. The demonstration was at a home and garden show, so there were a bunch of arts and craft stuff. We walked around, half looking at things, sharing antics about past neighbours. Heather told me about how her neighbour once gave a ride to a murderer covered in blood to Port Stanley. Then later, when the police came to their door with a picture asking if they have ever seen this man, they said "Yeah, I just gave him a ride to Port." I told her about when I lived in the country, we had a neighbour that was a coke dealer, once had 2 elephants chained up in his back yard, and nearly killed himself trying to burn his house for insurance money. I know that sounds like a lie, but I swear it's true. It was good times. I read an article today "Cultures of Friendship." It was really thought provoking. It talks about the role of friendship in our lives, and how the definition of friend has changed throughout history. friend n. 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance. -- Definitions from dictionary.com, 2000 A.D. friendship n. …. 2. the highest degree of intimacy. -- Definition from Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language, 1755 A.D. It goes on to discuss various types of friendship for different sexes, cultures, sexualities, etc. It's definitely a good read. My favourite part is about friendship in Hawaii. Like Native Americans, Native Hawaiians have failed to fulfill our expectations of the "savages" of the world. We expect their family lives to be simpler than ours, focused on the "genetically inherited instincts" of motherhood, blood-family, and sexuality; but in fact, their understanding of friendship exceeds our own. In native Hawaii, pili hoaloha (devoted friends) come in many varieties. Most interestingly to us in sex-obsessed America, they celebrated opposite-sex devoted friendship among people we would call heterosexual. There was one ceremony for sexual marriages, and another ceremony for a platonic union between members of the opposite sex. One could have both a devoted opposite-sex friend and one or more spouses. In modern times, opposite-sex friendship among heterosexuals is considered unwise because the "natural" sexual attraction between the man and the woman will mess up the friendship, or because one friend's spouse will feel "naturally" jealous. But if we accept that native Hawaiians are as human as we are, we must also accept that our inability to form opposite-sex friendships is cultural, not "natural." What applies to native Hawaiian society also applies to most of the so-called "primitive" societies of the world. Many of these cultures have complex models of family that are inclusive of sacred friendship, just like native Hawaii. Even medieval Europe had the possibility of adopting another unrelated adult as a "legal brother" with all the rights and obligations of blood family; our supposedly advanced modern society is very lonely in proclaiming that family members are always blood-related. If we could grow beyond this, it would be music to the ears of those who have survived the epidemic of abuse in American families. We provide therapy for survivors of this abuse, but we are unwilling to provide a cultural model for what many survivors really need: an adoptive family, willing to take each other as seriously as blood relatives do. To read the full article, go to wwww.celebratefriendship.org/intro.htm I've often wondered if I'm too liberal in my use of the word friend. I refer to people as my friend, sometimes even if they don't who I am. But does that really matter, as long as I consider them a friend? I'll have to think about it some more.
[4/30/2001 12:37:34 AM | Cale Fisher] Summer's coming, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Last summer I was bored out of my mind with no school. I've been considering taking some college courses. Also, I'd like to volunteer some of my time, but I'm not sure where. The animal shelter might be a good place to start. I don't think they offer any math or physics courses at the college here and I'd have to go to London for them. But I might be able to get into summer school and take calculus or something. Maybe they'd let me just sit in, and not actually get marked until I take the real course. I'll have to ask. Today was annoying. My uncle Shane was here, bringing down the new TV stand he made for my mom. It looks good, I must admit. But he still annoys me. He was doing things around the house, using power tools, and his breath was rank with alcohol. I'm so sick of alcoholics and druggies. While I do believe it's up to the individual to make their own choices about their own body, the right to do self harm ends where the next person begins. In this case, the next person is me. I'm tired of it all. But on to less bitter things. John's doing a lot better I think. He's been catching up on the school he missed, making jokes, acting like his old self. I'm happy. I'm relieved. Oh, great! My cat just came in and barfed on the floor. That's all I need at this time of night. Not much else has happened today. I've only been up since 2. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting.
[4/30/2001 11:50:21 PM | Cale Fisher] Janet's the best. It was beautiful today. 23 degree weather, sunny, no wind. After school, we went out to the football field to do our homework. We went back and forth between 10 minutes of work and 5 minutes of talking. It was fun. The two of us talked about our families in detail, something we rarely do. I had a strange, yet enjoyable conversation with someone at the vending machine today. I've seen her a few times in the halls before, but have no clue who she is. She asked what I was getting and I said I wasn't sure. We continued on about whether we wanted chocolate, candy, or chips. It was decided that today was too hot for chocolate and chips would make us thirsty. In the end, we chose runts. I got a pack, then she did, and we walked down the hall reading the ingredients before going our separate ways. It was good times. I've started a new random project today. I cut the tops off all my empty water bottles, filled them with soil, and am growing plants for no particular reason. At this point, I'm not sure what I'll do with them, if anything.
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